


The Hardest Part About Moving Forward

by KelliDiane



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gang Violence, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, References to Abuse, References to Suicide, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-15
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 13:54:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/762085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KelliDiane/pseuds/KelliDiane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hardest Part About Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

> Collab with NiallJWhoranX on tumblr.

Louis sighed as he sat in the cafeteria at one of the tables with his four best mates. School had ended twenty minutes ago, but due to a ‘conspicuous car’ circling the complex, the students had not been released.

You see, Louis and his friends lived in London- west London. It was dismal and dreary and probably the worst place to live in all England. The murder rate was double the entire country, gang violence was at an all time high, and crime just always seemed to be happening in their town.

He looked at the rest of his friends and smiled softly. He had a crazy group of kids that he called his brothers, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“So when do you think they’ll let us out of this hell hole?” He questioned.

Niall, who happened to be sitting next to Louis, frowned. Niall was the optimist of the group. He was always bright and cheery looking at things with a silver lining.

“It could be worse,” Niall shrugged his shoulders the grin never leaving.

Harry, the youngest being eleven, stared at Niall incredulously. “We could all be home by now. I’m hungry and I’m missing Top Gear.”

Liam frowned and looked sadly at Niall. “I’m going have to agree with Harry on this one, mate. I could be snacking and working on my homework. Math isn’t going to solve itself.”

Louis sighed. “How are you always so cheerful? You’re got dealt the shittiest hand in life and all you do is smile. It’s unnerving.”

Everyone knew the Horan family’s story. They came to London five years ago hoping to escape their troubles in Ireland, but they only seemed to follow them. Niall’s mother had been a drug addict and beat her two sons daily. If it hadn’t been for the neighbours- the Maliks, who called the police when they heard Niall’s screams- the blonde may very well of been dead. Niall’s mother had fled police custody and had yet to be seen since. That was four years ago.

Mister Horan had slipped into depression and began drinking heavily. He never physically hurt his sons though. He just sort of checked out of life was his wife was gone.

Finally, Greg Horan, Niall’s older brother by five years, had joined a gang. The two boys had needed the money and Greg had promised Niall he would take care of them. Now it’s a monthly check- usually with blood smeared fingerprints- from Greg for whatever Niall needed.

In the midst of all of the chaos, Niall still managed to smile and Louis admires the boy immensely for it. Also, the fact that he wanted to be the reason for Niall’s smile had nothing to do with it.

Niall shook his head holding his index finger to prove a point. “Now that’s not true. I do not have the shittiest hand in life.”

He was more than aware that his family life… Well, it couldn’t be considered a family, was hard but he didn’t mind really. “There are people starving, people who have nothing. I have a secret when it comes to being happy.”

Zayn continued to doodle in his sketch pad although he was more of a cartoonist. With the group they had in the place they lived having someone like Niall truly did make life seem like it was actually worth living.

“Oh, yeah? What’s the secret, Ni. Tell me more, babe.” Louis asked trying to seem interested in what Niall was saying instead of just the way his mouth would move around letters.

Liam shook his head at Louis. He was the only person Louis felt comfortable about his crush, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t love to tease him.

Niall flushed a light pink at the name. “It could always be worse. When something bad is happening I remember that and everything is fine.”

Harry glanced at the others wondering if any of them actually bought this.

Zayn smiled blithely. He was pretty quiet, but he’d occasionally contribute to the conversation. “I’d like to have your mentality for a day.”

Liam felt his muscles twitch up into a grin. “That’s a lovely way to go about life, Niall.”

“That’s bullshit. There’s no way that can keep you smiling. Try again, Horan.” Louis laughed lightly and was ready to tease the blond even more.

“Attention, students. The car has driven away. You have fifteen minutes to gather your belongings and leave school grounds. Have a wonderful day.” A voice crackled above them from one of the intercom speakers.

Niall frowned. Louis’ opinion mattered most and he didn’t know how to feel if he found his mindset bullshit. “I should get going then. Guess I’ll see you guys later.” Niall didn’t smile this time.

Zayn and Harry both gathered their stuff noticing the obvious shift in Niall’s demeanor. Liam rolled his eyes and grabbed his books in his arms and perched them vicariously on top of one another.

Louis seemed to not catch Niall’s more subdued attitude, but did grab Niall’s ratty backpack and slung it over his shoulder. “Come on, Niall. Want to spend the day at mine’s?”

“I don’t know, I guess. My dad doesn’t care and Greg’s probably not home.” Niall sighed smiling. It could be worse he supposed.

Harry fell in step walking in between Louis and Niall without thinking about it. “So, Lou, is it just you and Niall hanging out?”

Louis shrugged. He had hoped it would be just the two of them, but he’d not turn his friends away if they wanted to come as well. “So far, yeah. You guys are more than welcome to join if you want.”

Liam smiled softly and shook his head at Harry’s obliviousness. Maybe he could salvage this alone time for Louis and Niall. “Well, count Zayn and me out. We have a project to work on.”

Harry scrunched his nose. It wasn’t as much fun if they weren’t all together. “Eh, I think Gemma’s going to the store. Maybe I’ll go.”

Niall grinned over to Louis. “Two musketeers today I guess.”

Louis felt his heart flutter at the feeling of that radiant smile being directed solely on him. “Works for me.”

They were heading past the abandoned church and he smiled. “You guys up for a quick game of football? I can grab the ball from the church.”

Niall nodded his head. He made a detour through the hole in the busted fence crawling through the mostly dead grass. “There’s no one back here.”

Harry and Zayn made their way through right outside the church waiting for Louis to get the ball.

Liam sighed as he set his books down. He tried not to think about all the time wasted and the massive pile of homework that was quickly building up because of it. He made it through with only a small snag in his flannel, which is a huge accomplishment for him.

Louis made it through and headed up the steps of the once thriving building. He bent down and grabbed at the loose board and yanked it up. He smiled when he saw the black and white sports ball just sitting there.

He grabbed it and ran to the wide open lot connected to the creepy building and held it triumphantly over his head. “Alright. Let’s pick teams.”

Harry smirked. “Niall and I will be skins.”

Niall groaned. “Harry,” he huffed tugging his white t-shirt over his head dropping it to the ground.

Zayn sat on his backpack. “I’ll keep score.”

Louis stared as Niall pulled his shirt off. It was one of those moments where everything just slows down and it’s all Louis can see. He stares in awe as his best mate’s chest is put on display. The pale skin stretching over his ribs so that Louis can count them all and it just sends a warm, protective feeling through Louis.

“I guess that makes Louis and I shirts.” Liam said before beginning to unbutton his flannel. He chucked the heavy material over to Zayn and stood there in a wife beater with his wiry muscles on display.

Louis shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. It’s not that he was self-conscious, but he knew that Liam had started to work out so he could protect his sisters. He knew that Harry was just naturally tan and sun kissed. He knew that Niall… Well, Niall has looked amazing for as long as he can remember.

Niall bit his lip when a chill had blown by, goosebumps rising to the surface of his skin. He ran his calloused fingers over his chilled arms hoping to warm up. “Lou, why don’t you strip down?”

Harry grinned sending a wink to the blonde twelve year old. “You just want to see Louis undress.”

Niall’s pale cheeks burned red rubbing the nape of his neck.

Louis laughed lightly. “I would love to, but I’m not wearing an undershirt. Defeats the purpose of shirts versus skins.”

Liam chuckled. “We could all just be shirts. I mean I know you guys well enough to know not to pass it to the Irishman or the curly haired freak.” He teased, sticking his tongue out at Harry.

Harry flipped Liam off pulling his shirt back on. Niall only sighed in relief covering his chest with his shirt once again.

Zayn set up a page in his sketch pad so he could keep score. “Quick game. First team to five wins.”

“You want the game to be done in like minutes don’t you? I could score five goals against all three of them in no time! How about first to seven?” Louis proposed. He didn’t want to head home quiet yet since he wasn’t sure if his mother would be home or not.

Liam frowned. “You think you can score five goals against all of us? I know you’re good at football, Lou, but that’s just ridiculous.”

Niall smirked eyebrow quirked. “Lou, I’m not sure if you remember, but I could kick your ass at footie.”

Harry groaned. “Yes, you’re both good. Can we get on with the game?” He huffed.

Louis smiled deviously. “Bring it, Horan. Your Irish lucky charms won’t help you here.”

Liam rolled his eyes and took the ball to mid field where he placed it and got ready to play. “Ready? Set… Go!”

——————

Niall grinned wickedly slipping back through the way they had come in being the last one out, the other four waiting on the sidewalk for him. “So, Louis, what was that about my Irish lucky charms not working?”

They were all heading home Liam’s neighborhood was the first one they passed every day.

Zayn looked at Liam then at the other three. “Well Li and I have that project. See you guys tomorrow.”

“Shut up, Horan. You got an unfair goal. You used an outside object to deflect it into the net! That’s cheating!” Louis pouted and crossed his arms.

Liam frowned. “Hold on, Zee. I think Ruth and Nicola are in town. Do you guys want to come say hi? They leave back for university in a few days.”

Niall smiled happily. “I love your sisters. Come on, Lou.” He grabbed Louis’ hand pulling him down the street. He had to ignore the butterflies in his stomach all the while.

Zayn chuckled following along with Harry.

Louis smiled as he let himself be dragged down the street towards Liam’s. He sees a figure standing on the porch next door and he can see the outline of the blunt hanging from the person’s mouth. “Hey, Andy!”

Liam makes it to his door and stops at the sight of the seventeen year old. “Andy! I thought you were out of town. When did you get back?”

The taller boy smiled lazily. “Got back while you lot were in school. Gotta keep it quiet though. No one can know I’m back.” He took another drag before looking at the group of pre-teens.

“Hey, you guys are old enough now. You wanna hit?” He made his way down his steps and towards Liam’s front door.

Niall shook his head. After his mum he vowed he’d not even try drugs once. Absently he kept a grip on Louis’ hand eying the ground. “Sorry, mate. I’m not into that.”

Harry was the first one to take the offered blunt. He inhaled a drag making the mistake of taking a large hit. Immediately he started coughing. “Fuck! That’s terrible!”

Andy laughed. “Beginner hits, man. You need to take them small. Here, I’ll show you.” He raised the drugs to his lips once again and took a small inhale and held it there for a second before letting it all out. He handed it back to Harry. “Wanna try again?”

Liam looked over at Niall and frowned. He knew that the boy probably felt squeamish around Andy, but his neighbour was extremely nice- always hugging someone or helping the elderly lady across the street.

Louis was contemplating taking a hit or not. He wanted to seem cool in front of Andy, but he also didn’t want Niall to feel weird around him. “I’ll… I’ll try it, I guess.”

Niall dropped Louis’ hand stepping away from him. He didn’t mean anything by it; he just didn’t want to be around the smell of it when Louis took a hit.

Harry took a small drag exhaling slowly this time not hacking. “That’s gross.”

Andy shrugged. “To each his own. You look like a designer drug type of guy, anyway.” He took the blunt and handed it out to Louis. “You’re up, hot shot.”

Louis took the drug and looked over at Harry who was still had his nose scrunched up. He put to his lips and took a substantial hit and held it in his lungs like Andy had showed them. He finally blew it out and shrugged. “Not bad, but definitely not something I would do.”

He reached for Niall’s hand again, already missing the warmth of his friend.

Andy again shrugged. “I’m just surprised you handled such a big hit. Congrats, bro.” He turned to Zayn and Liam. “You guys want a go?”

Niall moved his hand away instead using it to cup his hand over his mouth and nose. “It’s starting to smell. I think I’m gonna head home since you guys clearly aren’t going to stop.” He glanced at Louis shaking his head. He stalked off without another word.

Zayn declined automatically. “Nah, I’m not into trying that.”

Liam sighed and shook his head in the negative. “Well Zayn and I have a project.” He looked over at Louis. “You should go catch up to Niall. Harry can stay with us so he doesn’t walk home by himself.”

Andy frowned. “Dude, he’s like thirteen. Let the kid walk by himself. He can protect himself. Right, kid?”

“He’s only eleven. I know he’s tall, but thirteen?” Liam scoffed. Andy was nice, but not really all that smart. He opened his front door and tried to round the two boys inside.

Zayn and Harry followed after Liam the younger boy promising that he’d call his older sister.

——————

Niall fished through his pocket for his headphones plugging them in. He started playing the Script barely paying attention.

The problem with Niall was he was too trusting of people and his surroundings. Listening to music and walking home wasn’t the smartest move, but he was naive.

Louis waved goodbye to Andy and ran after the blonde. “Niall! Niall, wait up!”

Once he was close enough, he grabbed at his friend’s wrist and spun him around. “Hey! What was that for? Why would you run off like that? You know it’s not safe around here.”

Niall removed one ear bud looking up at the slightly taller male. “I left because you were all smoking. I’m sorry that I removed myself from the situation. If you guys start doing it I can find new friends.”

It was the first time Niall ever sounded so cynical. He wasn’t used to it either really and he didn’t want to get used to it.

“It was only Harry and me and we both said that it wasn’t for us. We’re not going to start smoking.” Louis furrowed his brows at Niall’s tone. It sounded too hopeless for the bright ball of sunshine, and Louis hated it.

“Come on. Let’s go to my house. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” He laced their fingers together and gave his mate’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

Niall sighed, but this time he didn’t pull his hand away. “We’ve never hung out alone.” He pointed out looking down at the pavement then at their hands. “Should we be holding hands? I don’t want to give people the wrong impression. I’m sure people from around here don’t take kindly to gay kids.”

Louis looked around cautiously. “No one is here to get the wrong impression.” His grip loosened. “Unless, you don’t want to hold my hand. I’ll completely understand.” He pulled his hand back dejectedly. “Maybe I want to get to know you more. I tell Liam everything, but maybe I just want to spend some time with you.”

“Nothing wrong with us hanging out I’m just saying is all. Never thought you would want to hang with me alone.” Niall shrugged stuffing his hands into his pockets. It was weird for him not to be acting so happy. With Louis he wasn’t quite sure how to act. His heart shouldn’t have raced like it did when Louis had said more.

“Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with you, Ni? You’re the happiest, go-lucky person I know. Sure, I’m rude and cold hearted, but it’s only because I want to seem tough to protect my sisters and mum.” He looked down at the sidewalk and continued to head in the direction of his home. “I have nightmares of walking home from school to find my family dead and I wasn’t there to protect them. I just want to live a better life and get out of here, but you and the boys are the reason I haven’t told my mum I’m leaving.”

Niall grabbed Louis’ hand tracing his knuckles with his thumb. “Be lucky you have a family that cares. It could always be worse.” He side glanced towards Louis, his eyes trailing down to look at his lips.

Louis scoffs. “I’m jealous of you, Niall. I would give anything to not have a family. To be able to just pack up and leave and not have anyone notice.”

He stopped outside his house and grabbed the key from its hiding spot. Opening the door, he placed it on the front table and shut the door behind him. He looked over at Niall. “Would you miss me if I left? If you just woke up one morning and I was gone… Would you notice?”

Niall hummed. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but his focus remained fixated on Louis’ lips and how nice they looked forming each syllable. He almost didn’t hear his question. “I’d more than just miss you. I’d cry… A lot. Maybe turn my room into a camp.” Not once did his eyes stray. He couldn’t help how interesting it was watching Louis’ mouth.

Louis looked down at his own lips and tried to find out why Niall was fixated on them. He licked at them trying to see if maybe he had something on them, but they were clean. He bit at his bottom lip wondering if Niall was staring for the same reasons that he stared at Niall’s lips. He leaned a little closer, barely far enough to cause suspicion, but he could hear his heart hitch a bit.

“Niall,” he whispered to the mainly quiet room. “I want to try something. Is… Is that okay?”

“I… Yeah… Yeah, that’s fine.” Niall finally stopped staring, gaze traveling up to look at Louis and how close they were. “What do you want to show me?” His heart rate increased breath caught in his throat.

Louis never gave Niall an answer. He leaned forward and pressed their lips together tentatively. He had kissed a few girls around the neighbourhood, but they were just for games or to show his thanks.

This- kissing his mate- was something different. He didn’t feel obligated to do it and he wasn’t repulsed by the overwhelming amount of lip gloss. This was perfect. No lip gloss, no hair getting in the way, and no strange and awkward breasts to worry about. Kissing Niall was better than anything Louis had imagined. Now here’s hoping that Niall felt the same and that Louis hadn’t just ruined a friendship.

Niall was stunned. His entire body had gone rigid, muscles taut. He wasn’t sure how long it took for him to break his stupor but when he did his body completely relaxed against Louis’.

“Lou?” Niall mumbled against his lips body swaying with the overwhelming happiness he was feeling. He’d never been kissed he was only twelve but this was an entirely new experience.

Louis pulled back and looked down at Niall. He breathed heavily through his mouth and licked at his now dry lips. “I’m sorry. I just really wanted to do that. If you don’t want to talk to me, I get it.”

He stepped back, trying to put a little distance between them. “I shouldn’t have just…” He ran a hand through his fringe.

“No!” Niall bit his lip blushing at the outburst. He reached out taking hold of Louis’ hand, hesitantly lacing their fingers. “I mean stop making it sound like I’ll hate you. I don’t. I wanted to kiss you.” Niall’s cheeks radiated a deeper shade of red.

Louis looked questioningly at Niall. “Really? So… You’d be okay if I did it again, then?”

He was so relieved. He had wanted to kiss Niall since the Irish boy turned ten. That was two years ago, and Louis was pretty sure that everyone except Niall had figured it out. He was just grateful that no one had attacked him or his family for it.

Niall smiled nodding shyly. “Yeah. I’d like if you did it again.” He looked at the carpet before surging forward and kissing Louis yet again.

Louis made a muffled shout of surprise against Niall’s lips before just melting into the kiss and grabbing at his waist to keep them balanced. He pressed his lips firmly against the blonde’s, but had trouble not smiling throughout the whole ordeal.

He pulled back and rested his forehead against Niall’s. “I told you hanging out with me would be fun. Maybe you can come over after school every day.”

Niall’s cheeks were still pink. “And what would we be doing after school?” He teased. He pulled away heading into Louis’ kitchen to find something to snack on.

“Just boring stuff. Homework, projects, school related assignments. You know; the usual. What else would two best mates who happen to be attracted to each other do?” Louis said as he followed Niall into the kitchen and watched fondly as the boy raided his kitchen.

“Wouldn’t want to corrupt that childlike innocence I love so much.” He teased before pulling open the fridge and grabbing to Cokes.

“You sure? You only want to kiss?” Niall playfully swung his hips back still to Louis. He came across a carton of strawberries as well as whipped cream. He screwed the cap off spraying the sugary white substance into his mouth. He swallowed what he could some trickling down his chin.

“For now, kissing is completely fine. I don’t think going any farther is appropriate. I mean, you’re twelve…” Louis trailed off as the whipped cream slid down his face.

He tried to focus as best as he could on continuing the conversation but the white coloured treat was quickly melting. “You, uh, you got something right…”

He leaned forward and licked at the sweet treat that threatened to fall onto his mother’s recently mopped floor.

Niall flushed slapping his hand over his chin. “I was joking about doing anything sexual. Although, I wouldn’t mind.” He mumbled the last part under his breath tearing the leaves off the strawberry popping it in his mouth.

“So what? What are we?” Niall’s voice was obscured by the fruit in his mouth.

Louis chuckled. “I was wondering if I could get you to blush.” He completely ignored the second part completely deciding to grab a strawberry from the carton.

“I don’t know. What do you want us to be? I mean, would boyfriends be too premature? We haven’t even gone on a date or anything… I don’t know how this whole thing works.” He bit into the strawberry and squeaked as the juice started rolling out of his mouth. He reached for a napkin as quick as he could.

Niall ripped the napkin from his hand lapping at the juice. He pulled away smiling. “Payback.” He took a strawberry throwing it in his mouth and adding whipped cream eating both at once.

“We could just be friends… Who kiss… And maybe hold hands?” He bit his own lip hoping he didn’t cross a line by asking.

Louis smiled. “I’d like that.” He started to eat another strawberry. He suddenly frowned. “Are you sure you want to hold hands in public? I don’t want to get like… Attacked or something. You said yourself we don’t live in a gay friendly neighbourhood.”

“I meant holding hands in private. I’m sorry but I’m not getting my ass kicked to hold your hand.” Niall chuckled quietly.

“Kiss?” Niall puckered his lips leaning in for Louis to meet him halfway.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Wow. I feel the love. Thanks, Ni.” He leaned forward and brushed their lips together. “That also means no kissing in public. Guess you’ll just have to get your fill when we’re alone.”

He smiled lightly and leaned back in to press their lips together again. “Do we tell the guys?”

“I don’t think the guys would care.” Niall smiled hoping onto the counter so he could sit.

“Halloween’s in a month! I’m so happy. I love dressing up.” His voice rose with excitement. He loved dressing up and getting candy. “Let’s get costumes together.”

Louis smiled brightly. “Sounds good to me. Bet I can’t talk you into my ultimate duo.” He winced. “I’ll probably have to take Lottie out if you don’t mind walking around with us. Luckily mum still thinks Fizzy is too young and obviously Phoebe hasn’t dropped yet.”

He thought about a neighbourhood where he and Niall could hold hands and walk his little sister around and not worry about getting jumped.

“That’s fine it’s not like we can do anything anyways. Besides if we have a little girl we’ll most likely get more candy.” Niall smiled. He started daydreaming and planning for the upcoming event. “Maybe Greg can take me to the store to buy a pumpkin and a candle!”

“That’ll be fun. Maybe we could carve it together or something. It could be fun.” Louis got up and started to root through the fridge for something for dinner.

The front door could be heard opening from the other room and Louis smiled lightly. “Lottie? That you?”

Lottie, who was eight, poked her head around the corner smiling softly. “Hey, Lou. Mum will be coming in. Hi, Niall.”

Niall waved smiling. “Well I think it’s time to go home. I’m tired and I have homework.”

“You want me to walk you home? I don’t want you to go through these streets alone. It’s really not safe.” Louis smiled and pulled out the kool-aid and a small glass and grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard.

“Lottie, come get your snack. Tell mum that I’ll be home after walking Niall home. Just leave dinner in the microwave.” He pulled Niall from the kitchen and into the living room.

Lottie nodded skipping off to the counter to grab her snack.

Niall opened the door leading the way out. “You didn’t have to walk me, but thanks.”

It was already pretty dark by that point. He reached over linking their pinkies together. “This way it doesn’t look like we’re holding hands.”

Louis smiled softly. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable back at Liam’s house. I wasn’t thinking.” He swung their hands together.

“Do you really think the boys would be okay with… This?” He gestured between them slowly.

“You didn’t make me feel uncomfortable necessarily, but I’m not putting myself around that lifestyle.” Niall shrugged his shoulders. “They’re our best friends of course they’ll be fine with it.”

He glanced around the dark and seemingly desolate street. “I don’t like the idea of you walking home. I’m sure Greg could give you a ride or something.”

Louis shrugged. “I’ll be fine. I’ve been through the neighbourhood enough times in the dark. If I don’t show up tomorrow, just look for my body.”

He pulled Niall onto his street. “Can I tell my family? I don’t want to have to hide in my own house. I don’t think my mum would have a problem with it.”

“Of course you can tell them. I love your family and I hope they at least… Tolerate me.” Niall chuckled.

Finally they turned down his street his house at the end of the street. “Don’t joke about you dying. I don’t know what I would do if you died. It couldn’t be worse.”

Louis chuckled. “The only thing worse would be if something happened to you. I’m pretty sure I’d leave. I wouldn’t know what to do.”

He sighed. “We’ll just take everything in stride. Nothing is going to happen. We’re going to be fine.”

Niall glanced around and when he was sure no one was around he leaned in to peck Louis blushing when he moved away. “See you tomorrow.”

And with that, Niall walked up the sidewalk and into his house.

Louis smiled as he watched Niall head into the safety of his home. He turned around and swallowed the giant lump in this throat as he thought of the dangerous and dark road home. He almost thought to call Niall and just have him stay on the phone with him until he got home, but thought it would seem a bit clingy and started his trek back.

——————

There was a reason why the streets of west London were dangerous especially at night.

Night was when the tweekers, rapists, gangs, and over all murderers came out.

A particular man, a man in his late forties, had been in an alley waiting for someone to walk by when he saw a teenage boy passing. Quickly he made his move pushing his pocket knife against the lad’s neck, wrapping an arm around his chest to restrict his arms. “If you move, I’ll slit your throat.”

“The fuck, man? Let me go now.” Louis struggled against the arm until he felt the knife against his throat. He thought the guy had been joking about a knife.

He took a deep breath, but winced as he felt the tight hold against his chest. “What do you want? I don’t have anything.”

“I want all your money now.” He growled into his ear adding slight pressure with the weapon. The older male had run out of funds to get his fix and the withdrawals were gradually becoming worse.

“I’m serious. I don’t have anything. My wallet and everything is at home. I was just walking a friend to their house. Sorry, I can’t help you.” Louis wondered if he could get out of here without being hurt. Doubtful since he could practically feel the skin around the knife reddening from the slight pressure, but maybe it wouldn’t be too bad.

The man growled loudly ready to move the blade across. “Don’t try anything.” He threatened. The man removed the hand from around his chest checking his front pockets.

Louis squirmed away from the touch as best he could. He felt so violated having an older man feel him up, even if it was just for his wallet. “I can empty my pockets for you if you like. All you’ll get is lint and a cell phone there. Maybe some weed if Andy slipped some in my pocket. Doubtful though. He’s pretty stingy.” He tried to joke around and break the tension that was slowly creeping into his body.

The man groaned in pure frustration. He shoved Louis to the pavement dealing a swift and harsh kick to his ribs. “If I see you again I’ll kill you.” He disappeared back down the alleyway.

Louis groaned and grabbed at his torso before struggling to stand and catch his breath. He shook his head to clear and protectively held his ribcage.

At least no one else would jump him. It was pretty obvious he had nothing and had already been picked over. He sighed before finding his street and heading to his house.

Welcome to west London.

——————

Niall thanked Greg for the ride heading into the school building.

Like every morning he took a detour to his locker storing away his afternoon binder heading to Louis’ locker which was the next hallway down.

“Hey, Lou!” Niall called cheerily sidling up to the brunet.

Louis winced as Niall knocked against the nasty bruise from the night before, but tried to smile through the pain. “Hey, Ni.” He grabbed his last book for his morning sessions and turned to face the blond boy. “Anything exciting happen since last night?”

Niall frowned deeply resting his hand on Louis’ shoulder. “No, nothing happened.” He scrutinized his… Whatever he was. “Lou, what happened to you? Honestly?”

Louis sighed. “I got jacked on the way home last night. At least he tried to jack me. Didn’t have anything on me, but he was persistently threatening me with a knife and managed to get a sweet kick to my ribs.” He shrugged and winced again at the slight pain. “It’s nothing though. Just a bruise.”

Niall’s eyes widened. “You’re never walking me home again.” He shook his head strolling to the cafeteria for breakfast. He couldn’t help the overwhelming sense of guilt that Louis had gotten hurt.

“It’s all my fault.” He added wanting to see the bruise, but he’d ask later.

“Niall, it’s fine. I already talked to mum about it. I’m gonna get some mace and carry it around. Had to talk her out of a gun! You guys are overreacting.” He rolled his eyes as he trailed after the blond. “Besides, better me than you. It’s just a bruise. Granted, it’s in a very inconvenient spot and hurts like hell, it’s just a bruise. And it’s not your fault. It’s the druggie’s fault. He attacked me, not you.”

“It’s more than a bruise. You could have been stabbed! Killed!” Niall snapped tugging at his tresses. “Sorry just… I really care about you. I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt.” He got in line grabbing a basket of French toast along with a small bottle of milk.

Louis followed the boy through the line. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m still here, okay?” He sighed. “Are you coming over after school? I talked to mum last night and she said that you have to come over sometime soon.”

“Yeah, I could come. But I’m having Greg pick me up.” Niall spoke stubbornly.

“I like walking you home though. It’s ten extra minutes a day that I get with you. Come on. I’ll walk you home today and if something happens, Greg can pick you up from now on.”

Niall snorted replying sarcastically, “Yeah, because the next time might not be worse and end with blood. Now let’s sit down and eat. After school I could massage your back to make you feel better.” He smiled paying for his meal.

Louis sighed as he slipped into his seat across from Liam and next to Niall. “You’re twelve. Do you even know how to give a massage?”

He shrugged his shoulders grinning. “You don’t need to know how, anyone rubbing at your skin feels amazing.”

Louis face turned bright red at the double meaning. Maybe Niall hadn’t intentionally done that. “Uh, people go to school to learn proper technique. You’re not going like, fuck up my spine, right?”

Liam quirked a brow. “Niall, remember how we talked about choosing our words carefully? Yeah, now is one of those times.”

Niall furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about? Did I say something wrong?” He honestly didn’t know what he said. He puffed his bottom lip out, eyes wide in that innocent sort of expression. “Harry’s rubbed me before. I fucked my knee after footie so it was nice. He was really gentle, helped my nerves smooth out.” He was trying to think about what he had said. “Whatever, Lou. Do you want a massage? I’ve got magical fingers.”

Zayn chuckled. Niall was making this worse.

Liam sighed and leaned across the table to whisper in Niall’s ear the implications of the words he was using.

Louis looked over at Harry and glared a little. He knew what Niall meant, but he still didn’t even like the thought of Niall and Harry being alone together.

Liam sat back down and looked over at Niall. “You get it now?”

Niall’s face was cherry red the innocent look not dropping. “You’re all perverts I wasn’t implying anything.”

Harry held his hands up at Louis’ intense stare. He didn’t even like Niall in that way.

Louis couldn’t help chuckling. He fell for an idiot. An adorable, blond haired, blue eyed, fluff ball of an idiot- but an idiot nonetheless. And honestly, he couldn’t care less. “In response to your question, yes. A massage would be amazing. As for a rub… Definitely not there yet.” He grabbed at Niall’s hand under the table and squeezed his fingers lightly.

Niall groaned face almost purple. “That’s not what I meant! Ugh that’s something you do in the privacy of your home.”

Harry quirked an eyebrow. “Yet? How is there a yet if there hasn’t been a start?” He asked. Why would Niall get Louis off unless it was a joke, of course.

Louis paled. He had forgotten where they were for a second. “Uh, well I was just- it was meant as- we, um… April fools?”

Liam rolled his eyes. Louis sucked under pressure. It was a surprise he hadn’t been killed yet.

Niall shook his head. He was dating an idiot. “Louis and I are… In something. I don’t know. Louis never properly asked me, but we kiss.”

Harry awed. “That’s adorable. I can’t believe Louis actually made a move.”

Zayn nodded shooting a look at Harry then at Liam. “We won’t say anything to anyone.”

Louis sighed in relief. “Thanks. We’re not trying to publicise this. You know how the neighbourhood can be. Just want to play it safe.”

Liam nodded. “Smart move. I’m guessing that was Niall’s idea.” He took a bite of his cereal and chewed thoughtfully. “Now why were you whispering intently in the breakfast line? A lovers’ spat already?”

Niall frowned beginning to eat his sugary meal. “Why don’t you tell them, Lou?”

“Louis’ already in trouble,” Harry teased chuckling under his breath.

Louis sighed. “It wasn’t important. It was just a tiny spat with some guy in an alley. I’m fine, just a bruise. There’s no need to worry.”

Liam frowned. “A spat? Did you even throw a punch during this spat? If not, it’s just a straight up mugging.” He sighed. “Louis, you’re going to end up in one of three places if you’re not careful and I refuse to come visit you in a morgue, jail cell, or ditch where you slowly lay dying.”

Niall tightened his grip on Louis’ hand running his thumb over the first knuckle. “That won’t happen.”

He sounded confident as he spoke. “None of that will happen. Even if things seem bad, everything and everyone have a happy ending.”

“If you’re confident we all have happy endings, then it shouldn’t be a problem walking you home.” Louis muttered under his breath.

Liam frowned and went back to his food. “So Ruth and Nicola left this morning. They said they’d be back in a month for winter break. Andy is still smitten with Nicola. He nearly dropped his weed in the trash when she talked to him.” He chuckled.

Niall shook his head. “Should’ve dropped it.” He murmured under his breath.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Andy’s a nice guy and all, but Nicola wouldn’t go for a guy like him. College girl and druggie don’t mix.”

Niall made a noise of agreement. “Well I’ll mark November on my calendar I love your sisters, Li.”

Liam shrugged. “I don’t know, I think it could work. She already talks about how interesting she finds him. Maybe things could work.”

Louis squeezed Niall’s hand as the bell rang signalling them to head to first session. They shared no classes and wouldn’t see each other until lunch, and even that would just be in passing as Louis left with his grade and Niall came in to sit with his.

——————

Niall had a firm grip around Louis’ wrist tugging him down the street and to the series of shops lining the street. He had told the other four that Greg had given him money so he wanted to buy a costume. Even if he was twelve he still had the childlike excitement about holidays. Niall was a little kid at heart.

“There it is!” Niall cried pointing to a brick building with glass windows. The storefront was decorated with pumpkin, witches, ghosts, and black cat stickers. Written in black paint was ‘Halloween Store.’

Louis chuckled. “You’re awfully excited for a kids’ holiday.” He let himself be dragged down the street by the over excited blond and towards the cheesy store. “What are you looking for exactly? I mean like what do you want to be?”

“Something happy.” Niall chirped entering the small shop.

Harry laughed. “Of course. You’ve never been anything scary. It’s Halloween! Shouldn’t you be trying to scare the shit out of us?”

Niall crinkled his nose. “No. Why would I do that?”

Louis chuckled. “That’s the point of Halloween. You’re supposed to scare us. If you were a girl, you’d have to put on skimpy lingerie and a set of animal ears. It’s just how Halloween works.”

Liam sighed. “So do you guys know the original idea behind Halloween? I think it’s fascinating. Actually, Niall, you’re ancestors probably took place in those festivities.”

Louis rolled his eyes. Leave it to Liam to try and turn a trip into a history lesson.

“Yeah, the Celts started it. Although originally it was a three day event starting on the 30th and ending on the 1st. The Pageans celebrated it to ward off evil. Dressed in costumes and everything to blend in with demons, but it wasn’t called Halloween until hundreds of years later.” Niall was big on Halloween so of course he’d know about it. He went straight to the boys’ section fingering through the brightly colored wardrobe.

Louis groaned. “When did you get smart like that? You’re now allowed talk about stuff like that when we hang out. You just make me feel dumb like box of rocks”

Liam chuckled loudly. “Well, you are the one who got held back a year and you’re failing most of your classes now. I’m still trying to figure out what kind of witchcraft you used to get her to make out with you.”

Niall’s eyebrows furrowed. “Her?” He had kind of thought he was Louis’ first kiss but maybe he was wrong. He started examining the different fabrics not liking what he was seeing.

Liam rolled his eyes. “I meant you, Niall. Trying to use code since we’re out and about, but if you’d like we can talk about the girls that Louis has made out with. There’s only three.”

Louis glared at the younger. “Or we can never talk about it again. That’s always a good option too. In fact, that’s a fantastic option.”

Niall flushed. “Didn’t make out.” He mumbled. Well he wasn’t Louis’ first kiss and it wasn’t that he cared but he’d just rather not talk about it. “Hopefully she doesn’t end up like the oh so many girls that have made out with Louis.” He was getting near the end of the rack.

Louis sighed. “Thanks a lot, Payne. Now I’m in trouble.” He moved to help Niall search through the costumes hoping to find one that Niall liked.

Liam smirked. “I was hoping to talk about it. I mean, I thought everyone knew about Hannah and Eleanor, but it would have been a great time to tell Harry you make out with Gemma at that party last year.”

Louis glared. “I’m so going to murder you in your sleep. I tell you things in confidence and this is what you do?”

Harry’s eyes widened. “Oi, keep your filthy tongue out of my sister’s mouth!”

Zayn chuckled nervously looking to Niall. “Oh come on mate, haven’t you ever kissed a girl?”

Niall shook his head. “No you see I was kind of hoping to kiss this one person and I did but I guess he’s into making out with his friend’s sisters.” He wasn’t mad but he liked to make Louis think he was. He didn’t know why but seeing Louis stutter was sort of funny.

Louis flushed bright red. “It wasn’t intentional! We were a little bit tipsy and one thing led to another and… She kept calling me Danny. Do I even look like a Danny?”

Liam was dying. He loved seeing if he could stir up trouble and now with Harry playing the brother card and Niall playing the jaded boyfriend card, Louis was turning bright red and stumbling over himself.

“Niall, I promise that was it. I didn’t make out with Ruth or Nicola, and I definitely didn’t make out with any of Zayn’s sister. I’m sorry.” Louis was flustered beyond belief. He didn’t think that it would that big of a deal to Niall.

“What was with that definitely? Are you saying my sisters aren’t pretty enough?” Zayn crossed his arms.

Harry meanwhile stabbed Louis’ chest with his finger. “If it happens again I’ll cut your fucking tongue out.”

Niall squealed. “I found the costume!” He held it behind his back so they couldn’t see. “I’m going to try this on, Liam want to help? I’d ask Louis but he’s busy making out with half the neighborhood.”

Liam chuckled and headed with Niall over to the fitting room and strained to hear Louis try and talk his way out this mess.

“No! It’s just that Doniya just isn’t my type and I don’t find her to be attractive to me. Like, she’s pretty, but not what I’m looking for. Waliyah and Safaa are just a little too young. Unless you want your little sisters making out with older men.”

Louis looked back at Harry. “Do you threaten the guy that Gemma is sleeping with? I think my tongue is less important than his dick, mate.”

Zayn rolled his eyes but chuckled lightly punching Louis’ arm. “I was just messing with ya.”

Harry flushed. “I don’t care about him he’s not my best mate. If you’re that hungry why don’t you eat Niall’s mouth?”

Louis flushed. “Harry! Keep it down! Niall and I aren’t telling anyone. We don’t want the wrong people to overhear.” He hissed at the boy. He was almost as bad as Liam at keeping secrets.

——————

Niall closed the door behind him and Liam revealing the costume. “I don’t know why but I like it.”

Liam smiled. “I’m sure they’ll like it too, Ni. Come on, let’s try it on and show the others. I think Louis is about to get killed out there.”

Niall smiled changing into the outfit. He finally opened the door smiling at the three boys. “What do you think?” He had gone with a prince uniform that only came with the top and crown.

The top was baby blue with gold trimming, cuffs, buttons, and the intricate designs around said buttons. There was a gold belt around his waist, the jacket flaring out. He was wearing his black skinny jeans with it and a matching gold crown with fake blue diamonds.

“You look great. Very regal, Ni.” Louis looked at the way it fit across his mate’s chest and smiled brightly.

It wasn’t obscenely tight, but the costume top was taught across the boy’s chest and made him look broader than usual. The crown stood out against the white blond hair and just seemed to make him glow that much more.

“Yeah, I like it. It looks great on you.” He tried not to let his mind get ahead of him.

“Yay!” Niall cheered skipping back to the dressing room. He changed out of the outfit slipping his The Who t-shirt along with a black and blue flannel shirt back on.

“Alright let’s go!” Niall chirped heading off to the register.

Liam chuckled as they followed Niall to the check out. “Wonder who’s going to be the princess to his prince. You up for wearing a dress, Tomlinson?”

Louis glared. “That’s not even funny. You know I don’t have the legs for that.” He shot back and smiled. He loved the banter between him and his friends. Sure, sometimes it was hard knowing if they were being serious or not, but it was always fun.

Niall handed the man ten pounds watching him bag the outfit before handing it back. “Time to go home!”

Harry chuckled following close behind. Zayn hung back with Liam. “So we doing the project?”

Louis frowned and looked over at Harry. “You were with them yesterday. What project are they going on about?” He swung his hand out and tried hitting Niall’s with his own. He hated this hiding thing. He missed Niall’s hand in his.

Liam looked over and Zayn nodded. “Yeah, and now that my sisters are gone we don’t have to worry about being too loud.”

Harry shrugged. “Something about World War II. They were watching Pearl Harbor that one American war movie.”

Niall looked over at Louis. “Oh I’m sorry I thought you’d be kissing some girl by now.”

Zayn grunted in acknowledgment.

Louis grimaced. “That movie sucks. It’s barely about the bombing of Pearl Harbour.”

He looked over at Niall and pouted before crossing his arms over his chest. “You going to hang with them or join Niall and me at my house? Or do you just want us to walk you home before heading to mine?”

“Just walk me home I don’t need to see you and Niall snogging.” Harry shuddered Liam’s house coming into view.

“You sure, Haz? Apparently Niall is gonna give me a rub. What’s more exciting than that?” He grinned cheekily smiling at the mistake from earlier.

Niall laced his hand with Louis’ smiling. “I hope you know I’ve been messing with you the entire time.”

Louis looked around to make sure that no one was on the street but them before leaning down and pressing his lips to Niall’s cheek. “You’re one manipulative little fuck, you know that? You probably could have gotten anything you wanted if you kept pretending to be upset.” He smiled goofily.

Harry grimaced. “Ew! Fuck you you’re disgusting!”

Niall frowned dropping Louis’ hand at the mention of his slip. “Well now I’m upset.” He wasn’t really, but Louis said he could get anything so he’d milk this for what it was worth.

“What? You’re okay with me making out with other people, but I can’t mention you rubbing me? How is that fair?” Louis pouted.

Liam chuckled. “Well, Zayn and I going to work on our project. We’ll see you guys tomorrow. Niall, go easy on him.” He winked at the trio as they headed inside.

Harry hurried into his house not wanting to be around the inevitable cuddling and flirting.

Niall sighed. “Make me some food when we get to your house and we’ll be fine.”

“Fine.” Louis sighed. “Oh, I do have to make a quick stop at the Flanagan’s house across the street. Mum said Mister Rory had a can of mace he said I could have.” He pulled Niall along down the street and made it to his front door.

“Do you want to just wait here while I run across the street or do you want to come with me?” He asked as he unlocked his door and headed inside to set his bag down.

Niall followed close behind kissing the older boy softly. “I’ll just wait here, be careful.” He maneuvered around Louis to enter the kitchen like usual.

Louis sighed happily as he placed the house key on the coffee table and headed out the door to the Flanagan’s. It’s quite literally across the street and he knocks on the door hoping for an answer.

He really needs to get the mace before his mum gets home or she won’t let him walk Niall home. He wasn’t lying when he told Niall that he had to talk his mother out of making him get a gun. Sometimes, people just overreact.

Mr. Flanagan answered the door holding the black cylinder shaped bottle. “Here you go.” The older man held it out smiling. Once Louis took it he offered his goodbye, closing the door.

Louis blinked as the door was shut in his face. Mister Flanagan was never that abrupt with anyone. Shrugging it off, Louis headed back across the street tossing the bottle in the air and catching it. Making it to his door, he headed inside and went straight to the kitchen. “Well, now I can walk you home without mum freaking out.”

“That’s not going to be very effective if the guy attacking you has a gun.” Niall spoke through a mouthful of blueberries. “All you guys have is fruit. You never have anything good like crisps.” Niall pointed out having eaten the last of the berries that were in the carton.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Would you prefer I carry a gun? I just convinced my mum that a gun wasn’t necessary. I’ll convince you if I have to.” He grabbed a banana from the counter and began to peel and munch on the treat. “Mum wants Lottie and Fizz to eat healthy. By consequence, that means me as well. Plus, she’s pregnant again and has weird cravings for fruit. Not my fault.”

Niall crinkled his nose. “I’ll have to start eating at Harry’s house then. He’s got loads of sugary food.” He frowned leaning into Louis. “You don’t necessarily need to carry a gun I just want you to be safe.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m serious. A bruise isn’t going to kill me.” He sighed and set his snack down to wrap his arms around Niall’s waist. “Just trust me, okay? I’m going to be extra careful walking at night, but sometimes things happen.” Louis leaned in and captured the younger boy’s lips with his own.

Niall melted into the kiss his fingers hesitantly threading through his brown fringe. He loved the feel of their lips airlocked together. Their chests moving in synch with each beat and the limbs of their arms getting tangled.

Louis pulled away for air and smiled softly down at Niall. “I really hate that I can’t do that whenever I want.” He grabbed Niall’s wrist and dragged him into the living room and dropped onto the couch, bringing Niall down with him and reconnecting their lips.

Niall squeaked when he landed on Louis’ chest. He got back into it though hands braced against the couch on either side of Louis, not sure where else to put them. “I like us being mostly private it’s our secret.” He murmured their lips not parting.

Louis smiled against their lips. His hands came to rest on Niall’s hip. “So you like the idea of sneaking around? Didn’t take you for the type.” He continued to kiss the blond. He parted his lips slightly and ran his tongue along Niall’s bottom lip asking for entrance.

Niall whimpered under his breath opening his mouth enough to allow Louis’ tongue inside. He trembled slightly, heart hammering against his rib cage. He had never done something like this before so he timidly followed his best friend’s lead.

Louis slowly licked his way inside his friend’s mouth. His tongue tentatively ran along the roof of Niall’s mouth. His grip tightened on the small waist in his hands and pulled back. He looked up at Niall and slowly licked at the taste of his friend that lingered on his lips. “I really like doing this with you, but my chest is killing me.”

Niall climbed off blushing a bright pink. “Sorry.” He squirmed on the couch lips still tingling from the kiss. He just wanted to do it all over again- and more.

Louis opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by the front door opening and closing and Lottie standing there. “I’m hungry. Make me food, Lou.”

The teen sighed. “You sound like Niall. Go get your own food. I’m not your chef.”

Niall poked Louis in the chest. “So mean to your sister.” He stood up taking Lottie’s hand leading the eight year old to the kitchen. “Is there anything you want?”

Louis winced as Niall managed to hit him in the bruise. He shouted after them. “I’m not mean! I just want her to learn how to make her own food. I won’t be here forever!”

He sighed and got up to follow them into the kitchen. “Why don’t you just wait for mum? She’ll make dinner and then you won’t be hungry.”

Niall grabbed an orange tearing the peel away handing it to the small girl. “Here’s a snack.” He ruffled her hair making eye contact with Louis. “I should get going soon. It’ll get dark.” He wanted to go home early that way it wouldn’t be pitch black when Louis made his way back.

Louis sighed. “You sure? You can stay a little while, yeah? I’ll walk you home later.” He didn’t want Niall to go quite yet. He felt like that had almost no time together. It wasn’t fair. He just wanted to lock Niall away in his room and spends days upon days with him with no interruption.

“Yeah, stay. You’re nicer than Liam. He won’t give me snacks.” Lottie pouted.

Niall bit his lip glancing at the window. “But, Lou, it’ll get dark. These streets aren’t safe.” He rubbed his hand over his face sighing. “Plus I need to put my costume up. I don’t want it to get ripped or something.”

Louis sighed and nodded. He knew that Niall was right. “Fine. I’ll grab my jacket. Lottie, I’m gonna put the key back and lock the door. Don’t open it for anyone, okay?”

She nodded and munched happily on the orange that Niall gave her. “Be careful, Lou.”

He rolled his eyes. “I will. What is it with everyone worrying about me lately? Goodness!”

“It’s because we care.” Niall assured tenderly kissing his cheek eyes fluttered closed. He gathered his backpack and bag where his costume was stuffed into. Niall stuffed his feet into his shoes waiting for Louis to join him.

Louis huffed. “I know. I know.” He grabbed his jacket from a chair in the kitchen and looked over at the mace debating to take it or not. Shrugging, he put it up high so Lottie couldn’t reach it and headed over to Niall. “Ready, Ni?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Niall strolled down the pavement staying close to Louis. “I like spending time with you, Lou. Maybe we could both go to the fair in a couple weeks. Think about it. It’s in a different town so we could actually kiss and hold hands in public.”

“That sounds perfect. I would love to be able to do that. I just want to be able to grab you around the waist and press my lips against yours whenever I want. I just want to be able to hold you close.” He looked around the street and found no one. He reached out and snagged Niall around the waist and pulled him flush against him and planted a kiss right on his lip.

Niall flushed pulling away after the brief encounter. “Let’s go before someone sees us. I don’t want to get shot.” He joked gently breaking Louis’ hold on him. “Now let’s go otherwise it will be dark.”

“There’s no one around. We’re fine.” He grabbed Niall by the wrist and kept him close. He walked next to the boy bumping their shoulders as they went. He looked at the alley from the night before and shuddered slightly.

Niall noticed the way Louis grimaced when they walked by the path. “What’s wrong? Is this where you were attacked?” He didn’t like the thought, tugging Louis away from the spot. “Don’t look at it. It could’ve been worse.”

“I know, it’s just weird. We always talk about things like that happening, but I never thought it would happen to us. You know?” Louis shrugged and walked Niall up his steps to his door. “Well, I guess this is it.” He looked down at the porch and shoved his hands in his pockets. He didn’t know how Niall wanted to play this.

Niall raised his eyebrow. “So now you don’t want to kiss me Tomlinson? I don’t think so.” He cupped Louis’ face bringing their lips together. Once they parted he patted the older male’s cheek. “Night, Lou.”

Louis smiled. “That’s all I get? Really?” He took his hands from his jacket and cornered Niall against his front door. He leaned in and pressed his lips roughly against Niall’s.

Niall moaned without thinking fisting the collar of Louis’ shirt. “Lou.” He didn’t know what else to do other than that. He was glad they had a pretty enclosed porch to keep from anyone seeing.

Louis pressed himself against Niall so they were touching from chest to thigh. He slipped his leg between the shorter boy’s own and let his hands come to rest at the top of his pants. His thumbs rubbed gently at the skin there. He pulled back slightly and rested their foreheads together. “That’s how you say goodbye.”

Niall swallowed thickly his pants tightening. He bit at his lip carefully pushing at Louis’ chest. “I need to get inside.” His stomach clenched nerves bunching together. He felt his bulge pressing harshly at his thigh.

Louis let himself be pushed back. He figured that was enough teasing for the twelve year old, even if that hadn’t been his intention. He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Niall’s cheek. “Night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

——————

Niall groaned back pressed into the mattress underneath him.

Louis was on top of him and in between his legs their once supple kisses turning heated and messy.

“Lou.” Niall huffed slowly and hesitantly rutting his hips up, his jeans scratching against his boyfriend’s.

“Shit, Ni.” Louis breathed against his lips.

Louis didn’t even know how they got here. One second they were laughing and pressing kisses to each other’s cheek and the next they’re pawing at each other trying to get their clothes off. They had only been together for a week and Louis was pretty sure they shouldn’t be moving this fast, but everything just felt so good.

“Don’t you think,” he kissed at Niall’s neck, “we’re moving a bit,” he nipped at the skin by the boy’s collarbone, “too fast?” He moved back up to press their lips together as he ground his hips down into the blond’s.

“No. I’ve liked you for the past two years; if anything we’re not moving fast enough.” He mumbled biting into Louis’ lower lip. He rucked up the hem of his boyfriend’s shirt fingertips slipping underneath to massage his lower back.

“Mm, Lou,” he breathed continuing to thrust up. They were grinding so harshly Niall swore he saw sparks.

Louis whimpered at the feel of Niall’s hands on him. “Two years or not, you’re only twelve. You’re not even supposed to be thinking about this yet.”

He sat up and tore his shirt from his body leaving him bare against the blond’s shirt. He growled at feeling of the rough fabric running over his skin.

He leaned back in and attached his lips to Niall’s neck and began biting down hoping to leave marks that the boy couldn’t cover no matter how hard he tried.

Niall moaned loudly head turning, stretching his neck out to let Louis continue to sink his teeth into him. “Fuck! Who cares,” he paused to moan, “if I’m twelve. Judging by your hard on you wanna fuck me too.”

Niall pulled his blunt fingernails down Louis’ back scratching light pink lines from his shoulder blades to the curve of his ass.

Louis hisses at the sharp pain of Niall’s nails on him and he wonders if he can get away with a tank top so everyone can see the telltale marks. “How about I just get you off for now? I don’t know if I’m quite ready for…”

He blushed at even thinking of Niall spread out beneath him completely naked, writhing and squirming and moaning all because of Louis. He can only imagine the tight heat surrounding his cock and the nearly impossible task of having to hold himself still so he wouldn’t hurt Niall.

His grip around Niall’s waist tightens dramatically as he pictures the scene. He wants to just strip His younger boyfriend of all his clothes and ravish him, but he knows they aren’t ready for that. “Maybe… Maybe once we get more comfortable, Ni, but not tonight.”

Niall frowned he respected Louis especially if he wanted to wait. “I get it. Another time.” He tilted Louis’ chin down gently kissing him. “Let’s just continue with this.” Without a reply he rutted his hips beginning to mewl all over again.

Louis put everything he has into the kiss. Maybe he read too much into it, but Niall actually seemed upset that he wanted to wait.

He broke the kiss and began to work down his jaw and throat stopping to nibble at the boy’s Adam’s apple. He reached down and grasped the fabric of Niall’s t-shirt in his hands before unlatching his mouth from the pale skin and pushing the shirt up to reveal the blond’s torso.

Niall mewled removing his shirt and tossing it near the other boy’s. “Lou, you really don’t have to if you’re not ready.” He muttered panting breathily. He didn’t want to pressure him into anything. “Love we can… We can put our shirts back on and watch a movie, yeah?”

“I said I was going to get you off and that’s what I’m going to do.” Louis smiled softly and kissed him. “I promise this’ll be good.” He kissed his way slowly down Niall’s torso stopping to kiss and bite at the boy’s freckles that were scattered about. Finally, he made it to the waistband of Niall’s jeans and he looked up at his boyfriend.

“Can I… Can I suck you off?” He could his cheeks flare at the words he had said many times in jest, but the position they were currently in made it all more real.

Niall’s breath sharpened. “Yeah. Yeah you can.” His hands flew to his belt fumbling with the clasp. He was moving too much to concentrate. He stopped himself from squirming a lot finally getting the belt undone along with the button and zipper, jeans left open revealing his navy blue briefs.

Louis pulled the denim down to Niall’s knees and took a deep breath. He leaned in and let his breath ghost over the bulge in the briefs in front of him. He mouthed at the outline of his boyfriend’s cock and moaned when his tongue ran along the wet patch that had appeared on the fabric.

His fingers hooked in the elastic of the underwear and started to pull them down. He groaned at the sight of the hard and flushed red cock resting against Niall’s stomach. He licked at his lips and grabbed the base and began giving tiny kitten licks to the head.

Niall gasped when the cold air hit his feverish erection. “Shit!” He moaned audibly at the wet stripes slowly starting to cover the tip of his leaking dick.

“Oh!” He squirmed around the cot, blankets and sheets getting pushed every which way.

Louis smirked as he pulled away and just moved his hand up and down the twelve year old’s shaft. “You know, I think you taste really good. I was worried that I wouldn’t like it, but it’s fucking delicious.”

He leaned back in and sucked the head into his mouth, letting his tongue dance around the sensitive skin. Little by little, he continued to take Niall in until he was about half way down. He pulled back up and teased the tip a little before going back down.

He grabbed Niall’s wrist and guided his hand to his hair. He pulled off entirely and looked up at Niall. “Want you to fuck my mouth. Is… Is that okay?”

Much like their first kiss (although this time) Niall didn’t answer. Instead he yanked Louis’ hair slowly, teasingly rolling his hips. He hit the back of his mouth with every thrust upward. “Lou! Fuck! Fuck!”

Louis whimpered in pleasure as he felt his cock twitch with every hit against the back of his throat. He reached down and began palming himself through his jeans. He gagged a few times, but he soon got the hang of it and was moaning around Niall in earnest now.

Niall wasn’t afraid to let go moaning and groaning. His stomach tightened, tighter and tighter until he snapped spilling his seed down Louis’ throat. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck! Louis!” He cried out orgasm shaking him to the core.

Louis swallowed everything he could, but some still managed to leak out the sides of his mouth. He licked Niall clean and tucked him back in his briefs before moving up to kiss him.

While their lips were attached, he undid his own jeans and pushed them down as best he could and began wanking himself. He was already pretty close from having the taste of Niall fresh on his tongue and the feel of his cock in his mouth.

Niall could taste himself on Louis’ tongue and his hand snaked down to wrap his fingers around his boyfriend’s. Quickly he got into the rhythm moving up and down.

“Mm.” He mewled sucking on the pink muscle that had invaded his mouth.

Louis broke the kiss and moaned before tossing his head back and panting heavily. “Niall! Please!”

He didn’t even know what he was begging for all he knew is that his orgasm was right there, so close. He just couldn’t reach it. He reached up with his free hand and cupped the back of Niall’s head and looked at his boyfriend. “So close, Ni! Fuck! Just a little more!” He squeezed his eyes shut tightly wondering what would finally send him over the edge.

Niall twisted his wrist thumb flicking over the head. “Fuck, Lou! Fuck, I love you!” He groaned absently not even acknowledging the words coming out of his mouth, solely focused on getting his boyfriend off.

It’s weird the effect those three words can have on you.

For Louis, it’s what was needed to push him over the edge. He came hard all over his stomach and Niall’s hand and he felt Niall’s name and a slew of profanity leave his mouth as he came.

It also made his heart drop and fear to clench at his chest. He looked up at Niall and could basically see the ‘deer in headlights’ look he wore reflected in Niall’s eyes. “Wh-what did you say?”

Niall bit his lip. He already said it might as well own up to it right? Besides Louis had to feel the same way. Louis asked him out and Louis kissed him.

“I… I love you. I’m in love with you.” He breathed out looking up at his boyfriend the remnants of pleasure still obvious with the way his toes curled and his eyes glazed.

Louis didn’t know what to do. Of course he felt the same way- he truly did love Niall. But all he can remember from his dad before he left was him ranting about saying those words trapped someone and once you said them you could never take them back.

“I… Um, I… Uh, thank you?” He could hear the uncertainty in his voice and he felt like such an asshole, but he was fourteen. He didn’t want to be trapped in a relationship this early. Maybe if they were still together in six years, then he’d say it.

Niall’s throat closed. That’s not what he wanted to hear. Was it possible that Louis didn’t feel the same. “You’re welcome?”

His jaw clenched like he was going to cry. For the first time in a long time he was genuinely sad. Niall was gentle when he pushed Louis off of him.

“I think I should go.” He mumbled pulling his boxers back up.

“Niall, don’t go. It’s dark out and I don’t want you walking home alone. Let me get dressed and I’ll walk you there.” He sat up looking for his shirt. He knew he fucked up, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say those words. He couldn’t even think them without his heart clenching painfully.

“No.” Niall murmured. He didn’t think he could make it with Louis. He got dressed shaking his head. “I can walk myself.” He made a hasty exit descending the staircase his footsteps ringing in his ears.

“Niall, wait!” Louis did up his pants and grabbed his jacket, forgoing a shirt in his haste. He slipped his shoes on and ran down after the blond. “Please, I don’t trust anyone in this neighbourhood and I’m not letting you go out there alone.” He grabbed at Niall’s wrist trying to get him to slow down.

Niall ripped his arm out of Louis’ grasp. “Fine, but don’t… Don’t touch me.” Once he had his shoes on, he walked out of the house hands in his pockets, dead set on getting home.

Louis followed a good two feet behind him. He couldn’t believe he just fucked up the best thing in his life all because he couldn’t bring himself to say three little words. The walk to Niall’s seemed longer than ever and once they reached the porch of the Horan house, Louis felt his stomach drop.

“Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asked sheepishly.

Niall didn’t respond; he only slammed the door behind him.

——————

Liam would have had to have been blind to not see the tension between Louis and Niall. He had pestered the older boy all day to try and get what was wrong out of him, but Louis had remained silent.

Sighing, he dropped back to walk with Niall. “So what’s up with you and Tommo? Yesterday I couldn’t get you guys to keep your hands to yourself and today it’s like you guys are diseased.”

Niall swallowed thickly eyes fixated on the sidewalk. “Told him I loved him. He didn’t say it back. I fucked it up, Li.”

Liam frowned. “You did nothing wrong, Niall. This is Louis’ problem. Trust me when I say it has nothing to do with you. I don’t know how much you know about his family, but let’s just say the phrase was kind of a taboo thing in his home.”

Louis sighed and pulled his bag a little tighter to his back. He knew what Liam was doing. He was doing what Liam always did: try and fix things that don’t concern him.

“But I’m not his family. My mum was an abusive druggie do you see me snorting cocaine or hitting people? Do you see me selling my body? Or how about my dad? Do you see me drowning in alcohol and disconnecting from reality?” Niall’s eyebrows were quirked almost daring Liam to challenge him.

“No, because I don’t let my family hold me back. I’m breaking up with Louis, though I haven’t told him. We can make amends when he cuts off the ropes still binding him to his father.” Niall couldn’t stop talking once he started. His words just ran away from him and it was all true but he hadn’t meant to be so honest.

Liam sighed. “Trust me, I’ll be the first to admit that Louis is being an idiot and that you are an amazing person for overcoming all this shit, but I don’t think it’s that easy for Louis.” He turned the corner onto his street and checked for traffic before crossing. “Those words are just… They’ve always been linked to something bad or horrible. I’m actually surprised he’s not hiding in his room waiting for something to happen to you.”

He spotted Andy up ahead and frowned. The older boy had the boot to his car popped open and was hastily throwing all his clothes and things in. “Andy?”

Niall was even curious and usually when it came to Andy he’d never ask not wanting to associate with him. “Why are you packing your car?” He stood closest to Andy and the street. Harry and Zayn were on the other side away from the road both just as questioning.

Andy looked up in a panic. “I gotta get out of here. I’m in deep shit. I owe like a thousand dollars to my drug dealer and they’re coming to collect. I gotta get out of here.”

Louis furrowed his brows and took Niall by the elbow. “Maybe we should get inside. Just in case. I mean, this sounds really dangerous.”

Liam nodded. “Yeah. Come inside and wait until-.”

Squealing tires could be heard coming around the corner and Louis looked up to see a car barreling towards their end of the street.

Niall turned to face the car speeding by. Everything happened so fast.

The revolver began riddling off bullets, the second cap penetrating Andy’s arm and the last one hit Niall through the right side of his chest.

It sounded like the wind was knocked out of him with the noise he made, body thrown due to the sheer power back slamming against the sidewalk harshly.

Louis ducked as soon as he saw the window start to roll down. He saw Liam jumping to hide behind something as well so he knew that at least he would be okay.

Six loud popping sounds rang through the air sending chills down Louis spine every time. The tires squealed as they took off around the corner and sped from view.

“Everyone okay?” Louis shouted before getting up. He turned to face everyone and did a quick count. Harry, Zayn, Liam, Andy (clutching his arm, but he’d be fine), Niall…

Wait. He looked over his shoulder at the last place he had seen the blond and he almost wished he hadn’t. “Niall!”

Niall was trying to pull air into his lungs but he couldn’t seem to do so properly. He wiped his palm down his chest only to see it smeared with blood. He groaned quietly torso moving erratically with his irregular heartbeat. His white t-shirt was pulled up blood seeping through the material and staining it around the wound.

Louis was next to him as fast as possible and pressing firmly on the wound. “Niall? Niall, look at me! You’re going to be okay, okay? It’s fine. Just… Grazed you. I need you to stay focused on me okay. Niall?”

Liam looked over from where he was crouching next to a parked car. “Oh god. Jesus Christ that’s a lot of blood. Zayn, call an ambulance!”

Louis seemed to working just fine with Niall so he moved over to Andy. “You’re going to be alright. Just nicked your arm. Probably going to need a sling, but you’ll make it.”

Zayn was in absolute shock. He absently grabbed his phone dialing the correct number only to hear the dispatcher. “Two people have just been shot.”

Niall’s eyes were rolling in his own head while he tried to focus on Louis. “Hurts.”

His gaze drifted from Louis to the dreary gray sky. All around him lawns were decorated with Halloween stuff. There was an undeniable October chill breezing along, but Niall did (could) not see that or feel that. Everything was focused on the way his chest was on fire.

“I know, Ni, but don’t worry. You’re going to be fine.” Louis’ own chest tightened considerably as he felt the blood gushing against his hands and could see it spilling through his fingers.

He turned to see Liam taking care of Andy and was filled with overwhelming anger. This was all the seventeen year old’s fault. He wanted to go over and dig his fingers into the wound and cause him as much pain as he could. He saw Zayn yelling into a phone and how frightened he looked. He couldn’t blame him. This wasn’t supposed to happen to them.

“Harry, I need your shirt. Can you please just give me your shirt?” Louis said in a surprisingly calm voice. He needed more pressure against Niall’s chest and hoped that the cloth would help.

Harry tugged it off without hesitation tossing it over to the brunet. He was still ducking behind the car too scared to move.

Niall felt Louis working on him and heard him calm as ever. “Lou… Lou?”

“Yeah, Niall? I’m here. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” Louis grabbed the shirt from where it landed and quickly pressed it to the wound. He could hear neighbours rustling about. He could hear their murmurs and speculations. Not one of them came to help though.

“Niall, I’m so sorry about last night. I want to say it, I really do.” He choked on the tears threatening to fall and just couldn’t help it when they started to spill.

“I’m not going to be okay. Lot of blood.” He knew how morbid it was to say when he was supposed to be the optimist of the group.

Harry clutched onto Liam unsure where else to turn to.

Niall was paler than what he normally was. Sweat was forming all along his hairline. “Don’t have to say it. It’s fine.” He reached a trembling hand up wiping away the tears that accumulated on his cheeks.

Louis blinked a few times to clear the tears from his eyes. “No, no, no, no, no. You’re going to be fine. I’m not letting you… Sleep like this.” He couldn’t bring himself to think the word, let alone say it. Niall was just going to take a nap, just like Fizz does in the afternoons.

He grabbed at Niall’s hand and felt a thicker liquid coat his cheek as his hand brushed it. “I just… I can’t lose you, Ni. You’re the only thing keeping me here remember?”

He leaned down to press his lips against Niall’s. They were cold and Louis didn’t like it at all, but he needed to feel this. He needed Niall pressed against him.

Niall went to answer, but his throat constricted coughing up blood. Like a water fountain it splashed up before splattering against his jaw and cheeks. He could feel his head swim and as much as he wanted to reassure Louis he was losing the strength to do so.

Louis cried harder as he watched blood trickle from Niall’s mouth and he knew the boy was gone for good. He knew that no matter what, nothing would save him.

He didn’t care about keeping himself clean or anything like that. He leaned down a kissed him, only pulling back when the tang of blood became too much.

He didn’t know what to do. Did he leave Niall there and go help Andy? Did he stay there and watch Niall die? He couldn’t do either. It was just so painful.

Niall could feel more rising in his throat. He began coughing and spluttering, but with the position he was lying in all the blood trying to leave slid back down blocking his trachea from getting oxygen. He started to choke blood creating bubbles in his mouth and popping staining his chin and shirt. The blood was too thick. He tried to clear it away but he couldn’t. He was growing paler sweating, his face was changing all over the place. First red, then blue, now finally the lightest shad of purple.

Louis panicked and looked over at Liam. “He’s choking on his own blood! Should we turn him or something?”

Liam shook his head. “It’s pointless. It might prolong his life, but he’d probably just be in more pain.”

Louis looked back down at Niall and just sobbed. Not knowing what to do, he just curled up and laid tucked into Niall’s side and cried.

Niall was spluttering his lungs filling with the red substance.

He couldn’t breathe, what little airway he had was covered and now all he was doing was choking.

Niall’s eyes fluttered close. He remembered everything picturing his time spent here. His mum hitting him, dad drinking, meeting Louis- kissing Louis.

His violently shaking body came to a halt. Five minutes after being shot he was no longer breathing.

Niall had passed away before the ambulance could get there.

———Three Months Later———

Louis pulled the hood up on his jacket and grabbed a cigarette from his pocket before lighting it. He looked out from the alley and saw Liam’s light on from the street. He knew that all the boys were there. Liam had invited him to join their little pow wow and he had kindly rejected.

It had been three months to the day that Niall had been shot and Louis had barely spoken to the boys since. He slipped his phone from his pocket and sent a text to Harry telling him to unlock Liam’s front door.

Harry was taken aback by the message, but he did as told unlocking Liam’s front door without telling the others what or why.

Zayn was sitting against the couch a bottle of lager in his hand. He had seen the text over the curly haired boy’s shoulder. “What do you think he wants?”

Liam bit his lip. “Who knows? Last time he was here he needed money. Nearly wiped me out of anything valuable.” He looked out the window and saw the shadowy figure in the alleyway and the telltale blaze of a cigarette at the dark.

Louis saw Liam in the window and dropped the stick and put it out. He took a deep breath and headed over to the house and just walked right in.

“If he needs money don’t give it to him.” Zayn muttered under his breath.

By the time Louis entered Harry was already sitting back on the couch. He looked up offering a wan smile. “Hey, Lou.”

Harry was very cautious when it came to talking to Louis. All of them were really. They had all seen Louis change. He was no longer the same person in their eyes.

Zayn was the first to really speak and he wasn’t nice about it. “If you need money we can’t help you.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “I don’t need money. I need a place to crash for the night. I got cops looking for me. They staked out the house and I couldn’t get to Greg’s.”

Liam looked cautiously up at the ceiling hoping his parents were too knocked out to hear anything. “You’ve got the cops looking for you? Louis, I can’t have you in here.”

“You’re fifteen Louis what could you have possibly done?” Zayn asked eyebrow raised. He didn’t understand why Louis was always getting in trouble. Louis was such a good kid.

Harry looked at his hands biting into his lip. “I haven’t seen Greg in well over six months. How’s he been doing since… Niall?”

Louis ignored Zayn. It wasn’t any of his business what Louis got up to. He turned to Harry and stared. “His brother was fucking shot. How do you think he’s doing?” He sighed and sat down in the chair farthest from the window. “He’s busy. We’re looking for the bastard that did this. He’s got the gang out searching for Andy’s dealer, but it’s like he just disappeared.”

He ran a hand through his fringe. “I basically just do the dirty work right now. He gives me the money, I find the dealer. It’s nothing important. Just need to get the cops off my back so dealers will meet with me again.”

Zayn sat back drinking from the bottle of alcohol. He decided to ignore Louis like he was being ignored.

Harry held up his hands, but he wasn’t offended. He knew how Louis must have been hurting more than all of them. “I was just wondering if he was crying or whatever. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Louis snapped. He didn’t like talking about it unless it was to Greg about catching the bastard.

Liam sighed. “Louis, you have to leave before my parents find you, but you can stay here for the night.”

Harry didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say at this point. He didn’t want to get into a row with Louis.

Zayn frowned looking towards the older boy. “Maybe if you didn’t get involved in all this then you wouldn’t have to worry about sleeping at other people’s houses.”

“At least I’m doing something instead of sitting on my ass and pretending like nothing happened. At least I’m out there trying to kill the fucker who did this.” Louis glared. He didn’t understand why Zayn couldn’t see what he was doing. Sure he picked up a few bad habits like smoking and the occasional joint with Greg, but everyone had to cope in their own way.

Zayn didn’t say anything. Instead he got to his feet. “I’m going home.” He shrugged his coat on slamming the door behind him. He didn’t care about walking at night anymore.

Harry sat there awkwardly eying the ceiling to avoid making eye contact with anyone else.

Louis scoffed. “Whatever. I’m going to crash. I’ll probably leave before you guys get up. If that’s the case, nice seeing you.”

Liam watched as the older male headed up the stairs to Ruth’s room. He sighed and looked over at Harry. “When did everything get so complicated?”

“When Niall died.” Harry answered automatically. There was no other explanation but that. All of them knew that was the answer to almost everything lately. “Things are going to continue being complicated until Andy’s dealer is killed or Louis is. Speaking of Andy, how did he take the whole situation about Niall’s…passing?”

“He feels horrible. He’s cleaned up and got a proper job. He’s… He’s changed.” Liam shrugged. He was worried about Louis, but Andy had made such a turn around. He had even started to date Nicola.

Harry nodded. Andy should feel horrible. Although it wasn’t his fault the five of them had walked up at the wrong time. “Liam, how do you feel? When it happened I didn’t even cry I was too shocked. Not that I haven’t cried since then.”

He sighed quietly. “It feels wrong. Niall was our sunshine, our reason for wanting to be good. Without him everything is just wrong. I miss him, Li.”

“I’m devastated. I miss him too and want him back, but I feel like there’s a reason that this happened. I think we’re moving on. Good things are happening because of this and I’m positive Louis will bounce back from this.” He reached over and squeezed Harry’s shoulder trying to console the boy. It was just so hard considering everything they had been through lately.

“Couldn’t something else have happened? Couldn’t we have moved on from something other than this?” Harry’s voice cracked. “Why Niall?” He buried his face in his knees beginning to cry.

Niall didn’t deserve what happened to him. He was so cheery and… Harry only cried harder.

Liam grabbed the boy and pulled him to his chest. “I know. I would gladly trade places with him, but for some reason it was him.” He buried his face into the mop of curls and felt the tears leaking into the hair below him. “I miss him so much, Haz. Niall and Louis. I miss them both so much. I miss our footie matches. I miss Zayn being able to look at Louis without disgust. I just miss when things were less complicated.”

Harry moved his face burying his nose into Liam’s neck. “Fuck… I don’t know what to do.”

He gripped the older boy’s shirt collar. “We used to have so much fun. Sneaking into the abandoned church and playing footie or all of us sleeping over here and watching gory movies that Niall hated so much.”

“We just have to get there. We have to get used to having a group of three instead of five since Louis never shows up to school anymore.” He sighed and stroked at Harry’s curls to try and comfort himself and hopefully the boy as well. “Just try and get some sleep. Maybe things will be better in the morning.”

Harry’s eyes closed nodding his head. “I’m tired. I’ll just crash here.” He soon made himself comfortable falling into a troubled sleep.

——————

Louis crept down the stairs around four that morning and looked around seeing Harry and Liam sprawled out on the couches in the living room and he smiled softly at the two.

He missed them and Zayn, but watching Niall bleed out on the streets broke him. He knew the only way he’d ever have a chance of killing the guy who hurt Niall would be to get in with Greg and that’s exactly what he did. He wasn’t a full fledge gang member, but he was well on his way to becoming Greg’s second hand man.

He grabbed a blanket from the floor and spread it out over Harry and ruffled the boy’s curls. He was too young to watch one of his friends die, but now that he had, Louis wondered how the eleven year coped.

Harry’s eyes blinked a few times dazed and still trying to break from his sleep. He was still exhausted. “Lou?” He sat up his blanket falling from his chest to bunch in his lap. His curls were ruffled and he was more than groggy.

“Hey, Haz. I was just leaving. You gonna be okay?” Louis crouched down so he could look the boy in the eyes.

He wanted to just hug the boy and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but he wasn’t certain about that. He couldn’t promise that no one was going to get hurt. He promised Niall was going to get hurt and look what happened.

Harry rubbed a knuckle against one of his eyes. “I’ll be fine.” He reached behind him for his phone only to see that it was four in the morning. “Why are you up so early?”

“I have to get out of here before Liam’s parents get up. Plus, I’m meeting Greg in half an hour to get a new assignment.” He shrugged.

In actuality, he was nervous. He was getting his gun today and he didn’t want anyone to know. “Is… Is Zayn okay? I know he’s mad at me and everything, but how is he holding up?”

“I don’t know if you noticed the lager in his hand last night. He’s been drinking.” Harry sighed.

Zayn was a strong person even at thirteen, but he had been so easily influenced to drink and it scared Harry. If someone like Zayn was roped in to do something like that then who knows what he could end up doing? “I don’t get it. It’s like Liam is the only normal thing from our group.”

Louis tugged at his fringe. “He’s not normal, Haz. He just hides it really well in order to make sure you guys are okay.” He looked over at the boy he used to tell everything to.

“What about you? You’re not drinking or doing drugs, right? You know I’ll have to kick your ass if you say you are.” He looked at Harry seriously.

“I’m not! I’m too scared to do any of that. Andy did drugs and an innocent kid was murdered. I could never do that.” Harry closed his eyes tightly. “I have nightmares. There was so much blood. So much covering him. I can still hear him choking, those horrible gurgling sounds.”

Louis closed his eyes tightly as Harry started describing that day. He won’t forget the look in Niall’s eye as his life slowly slipped away. The taste of his blood as he kissed him one last time. The feel of those three words sitting heavy on his tongue.

“I’m sorry. I know what you mean though. I haven’t slept well since then. Either I’m up because of a nightmare or because I’m doing something for Greg. I just want him back.”

Harry sighed looking to Louis. “We all want him back. Niall didn’t deserve it. He was so nice and fuck… I knew. I knew how much he liked you!” He was tugging at his curls by this point. “He finally got you and now it’s gone. He never got to become a footie player like he wanted.”

Louis bit at the inside of his cheek to try and stem the tears, but he could feel them threatening at his eyes. “He wanted a lot of things that he never got.” He wiped at his eyes and sighed. “He told me he loved me… The night before it happened, he told me. I didn’t say it back. I should have said it back.”

He broke down in tearful sobs. “He died thinking I didn’t love him.”

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck, hugging him impossibly close. Louis hadn’t shown emotion since the day it happened and now he was. “No. You didn’t need to say it. It was painfully obvious. Niall knows too.”

He ran his palm between Louis’ shoulder blades. “Lou, don’t feel guilty. You didn’t say it because you weren’t ready and you had no idea that you wouldn’t get the chance to say it.”

Louis buried his face in Harry’s shoulder and hugged the boy tightly. It felt all wrong. The body he was holding was too thin and too bony. The scent was not one of alcohol and air freshener.

“But, I knew. I knew how I felt. Why couldn’t I just tell him?” Louis sobbed.

“You couldn’t because you weren’t ready.” Harry assured blinking to get rid of the heavy feeling of sleep deprivation.

It took a few minutes, but he eventually calmed down enough and pulled away from the youngest. “Don’t worry, Harry. I’m gonna find the bastard who did this and I’m gonna kill him. I’m going fucking shoot him. Make him beg for his life and then just kill him.”

“Louis… Do what you need to.” Harry sighed. He wanted to tell Louis what he really thought, but it’s been so long since they hugged and he just needed this.

Louis sees the giant clock in the living room and it reads four fifteen. “I have to go. Greg will be waiting for me.”

He stood back up and grabbed the blanket from Harry’s lap and signalled for the boy to lie down. He tucked the blanket around him. “Just promise me one thing. If there’s ever anything in the news about me, don’t believe it until you hear from me… Please.”

Harry bit his lip nodding despite his obvious confusion. “I won’t. I don’t even watch the news.” He weakly smiled at his own joke. He yawned quietly eyelids slipping shut.

Louis chuckled. “Good. Night, Haz. I’ll miss you.” He pressed a kiss to the boy’s curls and headed out the door.

———Thirteen Years Later———

Liam shut the car door quietly and made his way up the grassy hill of the cemetery looking for that one particular grave. He was a tad early, wanting some time to himself with the blond before the other three got there.

“Hey, Niall. It’s been a while. I got a new job. I’m a grief counsellor for kids and teens. I know. It’s not what I originally dreamed of doing, but I wish I had someone to help me and now I can help them.

“There’s this one boy and he reminds me of you. His name is Sean Patrick, not just Sean. He’ll correct you if you just call him Sean. He just lost his brother in a fire, but he walks in everyday with a smile. He says that he has no right to be unhappy when there’s someone who has it worse than him.”

Liam let out a shaky breath. He couldn’t carry on, it hurt so much.

——————

Harry pulled into the parking lot of the cemetery. Turning the engine off on his blue Mazda rx8.

Harry had done what Niall wanted to do. At twenty two he was drafted to play for Derby County and now at twenty four he was plastered all over magazines and being interviewed.

He always said the same thing. ‘I did it for an old friend.’

He had gotten big, famous and rich but none of it mattered. He was all alone in his large house and even thinking about getting in a relationship scared him so.

He pocketed his hands, black petticoat flapping around his legs. Already he could see someone at Niall’s grave, Liam.

Harry never talked to them but every year on October twelfth he would meet with all of them and it felt sort of normal.

“Liam,” Harry greeted eying the cross shaped gravestone.

——————

Louis stared out from the car parked a little ways down and watched as Liam and Harry made their way to the familiar grave. He checked his phone to see that it had been a full twenty minutes since he had fled the open market place, leaving a body and screams behind him.

Life hadn’t gotten any better for him. He had gotten involved with Greg’s gang and was quickly living life on the run. He was putting a huge target on his back just by being back in his hometown, but it was October twelfth.

He reached over into the glovebox and pulled out the gun that Greg had given him all those years ago. He emptied the bullets except for one and stashed it in his jacket pocket before getting out of the car.

Walking up the hill, he wondered if the boys even wanted him there this year. Shrugging it off, he made it to the top.

“Liam. Harry.” He spoke quietly letting him know he was there.

Harry’s eyes shifted from Liam to Louis. “Lou… It’s nice to see you.” He looked to the ground and suddenly he felt so out of place. He was back in west London dressed in a four hundred dollar coat. He feels like one of those rich twats the five of them used to make fun of.

“So… How’s everything? Either of you dating someone?” He asked casually. It absolutely bothered Harry that he lacked a partner, but he refused to be close to anyone so was there a point to being upset?

“A boyfriend’s not really conducive in my line of work. They’d just become collateral damage.” Louis said.

Liam blinked a few times as he processed what Louis said. He slowly shook his head, clearing it. “Yeah, I am. Her name is Danielle. She’s a social worker. Real nice and all.”

An awkward silence falls over the three of them and Liam swallows the lump in his throat. “Just waiting on Zayn, then…”

“Zayn’s always late.” Harry lamented. Even as a kid Zayn sucked at time management. “Read his…uh…graphic novel? Yeah I think that’s what it’s called. Its good…made me cry.”

Harry was never afraid to admit things and he also wasn’t afraid to joke in awkward situations. Absently he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Crying over cartoons, maybe that’s why I’m single.”

Louis scoffed. “Doubt it. You never did have charm, Styles.” He smiled weakly at the small jab at the millionaire’s expense. It almost seemed like they were back in middle school.

Liam frowned. “I read it. It was fantastic. It was really… Detailed. I keep a copy of it in my office. The kids really like it too. What is it called again?”

Harry chuckled. “No neither of those reasons are it. I’m afraid of commitment if you wanna be honest.” He licked over his lips absently. “‘Save My Day.’ The title is interesting. You know what’s bullshit? I’m supposedly worth forty million, but I try to schedule one lunch with ‘the best comic book author of our generation’ and I’m told he’s busy. That’s something I say to women, not something I’m told.”

Harry hated it, hated this. He felt like he was coming off as some self-righteous prick. If he didn’t have money he’d feel more comfortable.

Louis stayed quiet. He didn’t understand how Harry came back. If he ever got out of west London he’d never come back. That’s when the grave in front of him became more real. He would come back. He couldn’t leave Niall like that. He’d feel guilty, responsible, restless. He couldn’t leave and just never look back.

Liam rolled his eyes and chuckled. “That’s what you get for leaving Westend. Luckily for you, Danielle is a great cook if you wanted to stay for dinner. She always cooks too much anyway.”

Harry shrugged his shoulders. While he tried to set up a lunch date with Zayn he was almost relieved he couldn’t make it. “It gets busy you know? Lot of practices, interviews, sponsored commercials- looking at the new face of Gatorade.”

He sighed quietly. “At least I’m busy everyday but today. My agent’s learned not to schedule anything on this day, Niall’s birthday, or my mum’s birthday.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Must be so hard to be you. Please, tell me more about how much your life sucks.”

Liam glances over at Louis unsure of what to do. “Well, you know. Fame isn’t all that amazing. Harry probably has the everyday pressures and then some added stress. No need to be rude.”

Harry looked at Louis. “No, let him be rude. I hate me too.” He stopped talking. Louis was right. Harry had a feeling that he was coming off like a prick and now that it was confirmed he figured it was best to be quiet.

“Whatever. No one has time for your pity party, Harry. Some of us are actually running for our lives.” Louis shoved his hands in jacket pocket and felt the weapon against his fingers. It just made it even more real. He huffed and looked out hoping to spot who he was looking for. “Zayn better hurry up. I can’t stay long today.”

Harry’s jaw clenched. “You know maybe I should go. Figured I could be honest with the people I used to call best mates since I have no one else. My bad let me go back to all my money and fans because I’m that sort of asshole aren’t I? Should just hang myself with one of my belts, Italian leather if you care.”

Harry hadn’t been in a good mood all day really. He stormed down the slight hill bumping shoulders with Zayn.

Zayn blinked looking at Harry then at the other two. He wasn’t sure what to do other than approach Liam and Louis.

Louis saw red. “You know, maybe you should. There’d be one less selfish asshole in the world. If you’re serious, I could probably arrange it for you- make it look like an accident. Just let me know.”

Liam frowns. “Guys, please. Niall wouldn’t want us fighting like this. He’d want us smiling and laughing- maybe playing footie in the abandoned church yard. I just know he wouldn’t want us at each other throats.”

The oldest boy rolled his eyes. “What? Are we just doing it for an old friend?”

Harry flipped Louis off. He didn’t know where their relationship went so wrong, but it did. “Go ahead. I’ve been wanting to kill myself. If you read the tabloids you’d know that I’ve already tried.”

Zayn stood next to Liam pulling out the flask that was in his jacket pocket. He unscrewed the cap taking a rather large gulp. “Maybe I should have waited till you lot left.”

“Don’t tempt me, Harold. I’ve got one bullet in my gun and it’s not meant for you, but that doesn’t mean your name can’t be added.” Louis snapped at the curly headed footie player.

“Shut up! Both of you! I don’t care if you want to hate each other, but please just not today. This day is already sad enough. I don’t want another friend to die. You guys were all I had.” Liam yelled from his spot. He just wanted one day where they sat around and talked about Niall and remembered the happy air he always carried with him.

Harry huffed walking back over. He snatched Zayn’s flask from him taking his own drink. “When we’re done here my face is plenty open to that gun of yours, Louis.” He didn’t even sound angry more defeated than anything.

Zayn looked at the grave placing a rose as well as a copy of his comic on the stone. He had become an extremely successful graphic novelist, his main character based off of Niall- drawn to his likeness and everything. He developed an alcohol problem over the years so by now he carried a flask with him everywhere.

“Not even worth it.” Louis muttered before turning back to the grave.

His gaze softened as he stared at the grave marker. He crouched down and placed a hand on the stone cross.

Liam watched in small satisfaction. “It’s been thirteen years, guys. Why are you still fighting like it just happened?”

He moved to stand next to Zayn and he ended up hugging the darker male lightly. “At least Zayn is doing to something that helps get Niall’s story out there.”

Zayn was the one who surprisingly started getting into the topic of Niall. “Of course. I remember when we had art class together Niall was watching me draw. He complimented my work every five seconds. He told me ‘I wish my life is interesting enough to draw about.’”

Harry smiled lightly. “Niall always watched you draw. He’d complain that his doodles weren’t even good enough to hang on a fridge.”

Liam chuckled. “His stickmen were pretty horrendous.”

Louis cracked a small smile. “He couldn’t draw? But he rocked at other things. Like the football pitch. Not even I could keep up with him.

“No one could keep up with him. Niall was impossibly fast,” Harry smiled. “That’s why I became a footie player, for Niall.”

Zayn nodded and it was like they were children going through these experiences rather than just talking about it. “He was great but he never auditioned for captain. Although I remember him accidentally knocking out Blake’s front tooth with a footie ball.”

Harry laughed. “That should have made him captain, Blake was a prick.”

Liam chuckled. “Yeah he was. Do you remember when he spent an entire day trying to get Mary Beth to smile after she got her braces?”

Louis smiled. “She blushed every time he talked to her after that. He was so nice to everyone.”

“Pretty sure she had like a massive crush on him. It was funny because Niall was gay,” Harry added. He had been the only friend Niall had told that he was full out gay.

Zayn smiled softly. “I remember when Sydney asked him to the dance and he went with her because he didn’t want to upset her.”

Liam chuckled. “He came to my house two weeks straight to learn how to dance because he wanted her to have a good time.”

Louis frowned. He didn’t have times like that with Niall to share. Everything they did was private, intimate, and he didn’t think that was to be shared.

Harry laughed harder. “He had two left feet. He couldn’t dance to save his life. God I remember when he fucked up his knee. He limped all the way to my house whining and wouldn’t leave until I massaged it for two hours.”

Zayn nodded drinking from his container. “Yeah, Niall had a way of getting people to do things. He was so damn manipulative.”

Louis just smiled. It was true. “He wasn’t manipulative. He just screamed innocence and that’s something everyone wanted to keep in this place.”

Liam nodded. “True. I just have to wonder how his dad took it. We all worried about each other and Greg, but what about Mister Horan?”

Harry bit into his cheek. He looked at Louis waiting for him to say something. “You mean none of you know? Greg didn’t tell you, Louis? I don’t even live here and I know.” Harry murmured the last sentence under his breath. How could they not know?

Zayn shrugged his shoulders. “Not to sound selfish, but I’m busy writing. I’m making a sequel and everything.”

Louis shrugged. “It never crossed my mind to ask. I mean, I know Greg took a two week break to deal with family issues, but I assumed it was girl.”

Liam bit his lip in worry. “What happened, Harry? He’s okay, yeah?”

Harry sighed pulling at his curls. He closed his eyes tightly. “I know Lou does, but do you two know what a dead body looks like or smells like? I… Fuck… Last year I came to the Horan household wondering why Mister Horan wasn’t visiting Niall. When I got there the front door was wide open so I walked in.”

Harry shuttered the event playing like a movie behind his eyelids.

“I called out but no one answered. Heard the telly going so I went back to his room. It smelled fucking dreadful. I walked in and… And I saw him hung from the ceiling fan. I ran to the bathroom and vomited everywhere. It had to have at least been a full day. I… Fuck I’m feeling lightheaded.” He sat on the grass not caring that he was getting grass stains over his clothes.

Liam was pretty sure he stopped breathing. Mister Horan had hung himself? Why had no one heard about it? It wasn’t in the paper, it wasn’t in the news… No one knew.

“Shit. Harry, it’s okay.” He knelt down beside the man and caressed his curls like he used to do when they were younger.

Louis looked down at the ground. “I guess that would explain Greg’s behaviour. He’s been so… Careful lately. He doesn’t go on the dangerous tasks and he’s constantly out on dates. Just keeps saying he doesn’t want to be alone.”

Harry buried his face into his knees hair splaying out. “I’ve seen two dead bodies. I…fuck I tried paying for therapy you know? She told me that I’ve developed an extreme disgust for myself. Told me that she’s never seen self-esteem so low. I told her… Told her I don’t know why I’m still alive.”

He stopped talking abruptly. He didn’t want Louis to call him an asshole. “Niall would probably tell me that I might not like myself, but he likes me.”

Louis frowned. He wanted to comfort his friend, but that wasn’t his job anymore. “I guess we all have problems. I mean, I never pictured myself as a druggie and second in command of gang led by my dead boyfriend’s older brother.”

He chuckled darkly at the thought. “I promised myself that after we got the bastard who shot Niall, I’d quit. We got him four years ago and I’m still there. It’s all I know anymore.” He whispered.

Liam sighed. “I’m clinically depressed. Have been since I was fifteen, probably longer. I have tons of medication that I have to take just too even act normally. I just don’t… How did I get a job as a grief counsellor if I can’t even get over Niall’s death?”

Zayn shrugged. “I’m an alcoholic. I wake up and I drink. I don’t know what else to do. I have to drink to function anymore. I destroy every relationship I have because I’m drunk every night.”

Harry’s hands curl into the grass and he begins laughing. He’s laughing so hard tears well in his eyes and he knows how utterly insane he looks. He clears his throat looking up at the three then to the grave marker. “Well aren’t we fucked up?” Harry asked posh like. “We’re so fucked up! God. None of us turned out okay.”

Liam chuckled and he tried to stifle it, but that only made him laugh harder. Soon he was laughing just as hard as Harry. “I don’t know why I’m laughing. This isn’t even funny.”

Louis smirked. “It’s not funny. It’s sad. It’s like those moments in those movies where it’s just so overwhelming and you just need to laugh.”

“Laughing helps. Makes everything not hurt as much.” Harry smiled. “Would you believe me if I told you I haven’t laughed like that in eight years?”

Zayn had also joined in calming down not too long after. “I don’t remember the last time I laughed period.”

Liam nodded. “Danielle tries, but nothing compares to a laugh with the boys.”

It’s silent for a moment and he basks in the presence of his friends. “I thought about leaving. Going somewhere else- maybe Wolverhampton or something- but I feel like we’d all just drift apart for good if we left.”

Louis frowned. “Greg has talked about leaving. He wants to go home, back to Mullingar. My mum is gone. She and the girls left for Doncaster years ago. I can’t leave though. There’s someone keeping me here.” He looked at the grave.

Harry looked at the cross. “There’s someone keeping all of us here. I have the funds to move halfway around the world, but then I wouldn’t get to visit him. I spend my birthdays here. And I don’t mean I spend them in Westend. I spend them here in this cemetery. Everyone but Niall’s left me.”

Zayn frowned. “Your birthday is February. It’s snowy and at least in the thirties.”

Harry shrugged. “He’s worth it.”

Zayn nodded hands in his pockets. “Niall’s always worth it.”

Liam nodded. “I’m here on my birthday. Luckily it’s not as cold or snowy, but it’s just calming. It almost feels like he’s still here sometimes.”

Louis nods. He doesn’t want to tell them how often he’s here- once a month and always on all of their birthdays. October is the hardest though.

He’s there practically every day that month. Sometimes he just curls up and lays on the grass. Other times he’ll bring flowers. He always brings Halloween candy. Most times he just talks to Niall about Greg and how he’s doing. He’ll talk about how sorry he is that he couldn’t save him. And he always tells him he loves him.

Harry nodded. He sniffled quietly his phone vibrating. Groaning he answers it listening to the voice talking. “Hello?… What! I told you how important this day was a thousand times. I swear I’m fucking firing you when I get back!”

Zayn flinched not expecting Harry’s sudden outburst.

Louis sighs. He knew the somber, yet happy feeling in the air couldn’t last forever. He glared over at Harry for breaking the small exclusive bubble that seemed to surround them.

Liam’s phone beeped and he took it out to see a text from Dani asking when he’d be home for dinner. He responded with a simple ‘on my way’ before putting it back in his pocket.

Harry seethed stuffing his phone into his pocket. He looked at the others apologetically and for a moment he looked like he was the same eleven year old they all knew. “I’m sorry. I have to cut it early.” He sifted through his jacket pocket placing his airplane necklace onto the stone. “Didn’t have time to get flowers, but this is my lucky necklace.”

Zayn nodded glancing down at his watch. “I have a meeting soon. Have to talk about the sequel to Save My Day.”

Liam nodded. “Dani is getting worried. She hates when I’m not home before dark.”

Louis shrugged. “I’m staying here. I have some unfinished business to attend to.” His fingers immediately ran over the smooth barrel of the gun in his pocket. And he had to clench his hands into fists to stop himself from just pulling it out in front of the three.

Zayn offered a hug to the other three waving. “See you lot next year.” He turned his back to them heading out to his car.

Harry glanced at Liam then to Louis. “I’ll leave in a few. Have to talk to someone first.”

Liam shrugged and pulled Harry tightly to his chest. “You have my number if you ever need me. I’m always here for you, Haz.”

He let the younger boy go before turning to Louis. “Tell Greg I miss him and want to see him soon. Take care of yourself, Lou.” With that, he headed down to his car.

Louis shifted uncomfortably. “I can go wait at the bottom of the hill if you want some alone time with Niall.”

Harry didn’t glance at Louis while their shoulders were pressed together. He just looked ahead. It was silent for a long while wind whipping their coats against their legs. “I know.” He paused. “I know what’s in your pocket.”

Louis tensed. “So what? I told you early that it was in there. Remember? I threatened you.”

He didn’t know why Harry felt the need to bring this up. It’s not like he knew what he was thinking about doing or anything.

“I’m not stupid, boo. Don’t pretend like I don’t know. One bullet and it’s not meant for me.” Harry shrugged his shoulders.

“I know.” Harry repeated, the wind calming slightly.

Louis slumped defeatedly. “I just can’t do this anymore. I feel like it would just be better for everyone if I just… Disappeared.” He looked over at Harry. “You should be the happiest about this. I won’t be here to be an ass to you anymore.”

Harry shook his head glancing at Louis. “That’s a lie. Such a fucking lie.”

He gritted his teeth tears welling up. “You’re an absolute ass if you think it’d make me happy! You’re my best mate you thick headed dumbass.” Harry felt tears slipping down his cheeks.

Louis felt his heart clench painfully at the sight of the younger man crying. “Fuck, Harry. Please don’t cry. I have to do this. There’s just so much in my life right now that’s fucked up and I just want to get away.”

His hands trembled as he tugged at his fringe. “I fucking addicted to drugs and I swore to Niall that would never happen. Do you know how many people I’ve killed? I do. Nine. I’ve watched nine people die because of my anger at one person. I fucking deserve this, Harry.”

Harry hugged Louis to his chest crying into his shoulder. “I love you, Lou.”

He stepped back wiping at his eyes. “Do what you need to but choose right, boo. Bye.”

Harry turned lurching down the small hill. This time he didn’t say see you later.

Louis watched as Harry disappeared from sight and he started to shake. He didn’t realise he was even crying till he felt the warm liquid hit his hand.

He closed his eyes and pulled the gun from his pocket. He ran his hand over the trigger and shuddered.

He spun the bullet chamber. He didn’t want to know when the bullet was coming. He pointed it at the major artery in his lower leg and pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

He let out a shaky breath and moved the gun higher to his thigh where his other artery was located. He pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

He closed his eyes tightly and pointed it and his stomach. He pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

He pointed it at his chest, the same spot that Niall had been shot. He pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

He was shaking now. Only two shots left. He placed the gun barrel in his mouth and angled it up slightly. He pulled the trigger.

A loud shot rang through the air.

Harry stopped walking, but he didn’t turn back. Louis was with Niall. Louis was no longer hurting. He opened his car door not once looking towards Niall’s grave marker. He wouldn’t look.

The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.


End file.
